I am 22. Single. Female. A college graduate. From a private Church of Christ University (also referred to as a “Marriage Factory”). I am, therefore, somewhat of a rarity.
When I came home, the recurring question I kept receiving was “So is there a guy? No? How come?” Then there are the jokes. “Aren’t you supposed to be married with a couple kids by now?” They are all out of love and for giggles, and I take them as so - I truely don't mind!
On my first Sunday back in Houston, my dad was facilitating a Bible Class on marriage to, well, married folks. They allowed me to tag along and I enjoyed it so much, I stole my Dad’s book and did some flipping around.
Here are some concepts I took away from the class, comments that were made and the book*…
• You must find a way to be happy before you find the person you want to journey with. The burden of “making me happy” is way too heavy a load to place upon one person and, thus, an awful reason to get married.
• “Marriage is not meant to be the place where one gets completed as a person. It is meant for complete persons to come together and build a “we” that is bigger and better than either one of the “I’s” involved.” – Compliment, but NOT complete!
• Honesty is the best policy (as we all know) however how, when and why you are telling the truth is even more important.
• Consequently, how you receive this honestly dictates how it is given to you. Therefore be mature, gracious and SELFLESS enough to take responsibility when you are at fault.
• Don’t keep the mindset of keeping score – being together is not about fixing each other or holding grudges, but growing together.
• Enjoy the ride! No one said that it would be easy – but hard does NOT mean misery. It means you will value each other and the relationship that much more.
• Keep the little things, well, little things.
• Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes – “What would it be like to be married to me?” “What would it be like to argue with me?” etc (Yikes!)
Seems to me that while there is no doubt that these are excellent topics for married couples to be discussing, isn’t the right time to start thinking about these things now (for me)? I mean pre-marital counseling is great, and I’m sure one day I will partake in that, but isn’t it a little late at that point. If I need to be a complete person in order to compliment my spouse (and vic versa), isn’t singlehood the time to work on that? I think we need Pre-dating counseling!
I have prayed for my future spouse for years, yet I have ignorantly been neglecting the part I can do the most about. I need to be praying for God to prepare ME for him.
*Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
Monday, June 28, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Turbulence Ahead
I spoke before about how I have been busy and getting to bed early and gaining back some of the sleep lost through the late nights of my college life. Well it came back to haunt me. This weekend I spent 30+ hours in a car, got little sleep, had an awesome Father’s day, floated 1,200 ft in the sky and was reminded how proud of a sister I am. Ok hold on. I’ll back up.
Wednesday the 16th at about 6:00pm (most of) the Glenn gang piled in the car to started the 15 or so hour drive to Lakeland, FL where my Dad’s father lives. Cody (my youngest brother) is a pretty stellar baseball player (not that I’m at all biased) and he had an event at Tropicana Field in Tampa, FL. It was perfect timing – Father’s Day weekend with my grandfather + Cody pitching on the big field + any chance to go to Florida = YES!
My learning moment from this stop on my “road trip” happened on Friday. I had set in my head for a while now that I was going parasailing this summer, so when we had some free time I set out with my parents for a boat, a sail and some open water. It didn’t take long until we found Treasure Island in St. Pete; we hopped on a boat and made our way up, up, up. (My Dad and I went up together) I wish I could have safely taken a camera up with me – the view was awesome. There was a storm brewing behind us, sunshine in front of us, the awesome coast line to our right, turtles swimming to our left and birds flying below us! Once you get up high enough, everything is silent – no roar of the boat or city sounds. It was completely peaceful. And everything below was so small!
I didn’t think about it at the time, but reflecting back on the time up in the air, it is amazing how we selfishly convince ourselves how important we are. My current discussion making process consist of trying to figure out where I’m going to be living in about a month when it comes time to move to Dallas, and (seemingly) more important, how I am going to get the money to pay for all this! Monday rolled around, and I’m back in Houston calling and traveling around to banks being denied again and again and again for loans. I don’t qualify as a “Student” and therefore no student loan for me! I don’t “break down” just all the time, but Monday was a break down kind of day for me. I hate those days! The days when you know it’s unreasonable and not helpful in any way to cry, but logic is not efficient at drying tears in days like this. My problems seemed too important and still unfixable.
Now, when it is easier to think with my head versus my emotions, I think back to the city as we looked down from the sky. We could see cars going by, and in each car was someone with their own problems ranging from lame problems (like mine!) to much more sizeable concerns. My problems will not cause the earth to stop rotating – life will continue to go on. And more amazingly, we serve a God who is deeply engaged into each of these problems, great or small.
I think it is important to keep each of these realizations in balance. One, that we are just a small piece of a huge picture, but also that this small piece we make up is hugely important.
Thank God for family, road trips and timely lessons.
Wednesday the 16th at about 6:00pm (most of) the Glenn gang piled in the car to started the 15 or so hour drive to Lakeland, FL where my Dad’s father lives. Cody (my youngest brother) is a pretty stellar baseball player (not that I’m at all biased) and he had an event at Tropicana Field in Tampa, FL. It was perfect timing – Father’s Day weekend with my grandfather + Cody pitching on the big field + any chance to go to Florida = YES!
My learning moment from this stop on my “road trip” happened on Friday. I had set in my head for a while now that I was going parasailing this summer, so when we had some free time I set out with my parents for a boat, a sail and some open water. It didn’t take long until we found Treasure Island in St. Pete; we hopped on a boat and made our way up, up, up. (My Dad and I went up together) I wish I could have safely taken a camera up with me – the view was awesome. There was a storm brewing behind us, sunshine in front of us, the awesome coast line to our right, turtles swimming to our left and birds flying below us! Once you get up high enough, everything is silent – no roar of the boat or city sounds. It was completely peaceful. And everything below was so small!
I didn’t think about it at the time, but reflecting back on the time up in the air, it is amazing how we selfishly convince ourselves how important we are. My current discussion making process consist of trying to figure out where I’m going to be living in about a month when it comes time to move to Dallas, and (seemingly) more important, how I am going to get the money to pay for all this! Monday rolled around, and I’m back in Houston calling and traveling around to banks being denied again and again and again for loans. I don’t qualify as a “Student” and therefore no student loan for me! I don’t “break down” just all the time, but Monday was a break down kind of day for me. I hate those days! The days when you know it’s unreasonable and not helpful in any way to cry, but logic is not efficient at drying tears in days like this. My problems seemed too important and still unfixable.
Now, when it is easier to think with my head versus my emotions, I think back to the city as we looked down from the sky. We could see cars going by, and in each car was someone with their own problems ranging from lame problems (like mine!) to much more sizeable concerns. My problems will not cause the earth to stop rotating – life will continue to go on. And more amazingly, we serve a God who is deeply engaged into each of these problems, great or small.
I think it is important to keep each of these realizations in balance. One, that we are just a small piece of a huge picture, but also that this small piece we make up is hugely important.
Thank God for family, road trips and timely lessons.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Traveling Companion
Wow. Life has been a whirlwind this last week. As a college student, I became very accustomed to late nights. Since I have been home, I think I can count on one hand the number of times I have seen the other side of 11:00pm – mostly due to the fact that we are just going all the time! Not that I can complain. We have been craming in some really fun activities. My (2nd) cousins are intown and so we have enjoyed Galveston, the pool, Schlitterbahn, the Science Museum, Arcades, shopping all on top of this wellness program for my dad which has us running, biking, lifting, etc. I know you pity me in my rough life…
Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking about grace. With this effort of eating healthy, we have established “Grace Meals”. These are for the times where it is socially inappropriate to impose upon others the high maintenance of a weight loss initiative – especially for my father in professional situations, hence our implementation of “grace.” Not that this kind of grace resembles the grace we receive from our Father at all (in fact, our “Grace meals” really are falsely named!) but it has triggered thought none the less.
It is not shocking to God that we mess up. This is why He is prepared with Grace. Not that this serves as an excuse as it does in a wellness program, but what a relief that we have not been pressured with the burden of perfection. It is for me. It is easy for me to put that exact pressure on myself. These are not mind blowing or new thoughts, but so important (for me anyway) to remember as I continue this pursuit of “Amber’s Story”.
The story doesn’t have to be perfect to be profound.
Thank you, God, for your grace, your blessings and unconditional love. Thank you for the doors you open and grant us the courage and wisdom to walk through those doors boldly and confidently knowing that through You those opportunities will make the Story powerful.
Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking about grace. With this effort of eating healthy, we have established “Grace Meals”. These are for the times where it is socially inappropriate to impose upon others the high maintenance of a weight loss initiative – especially for my father in professional situations, hence our implementation of “grace.” Not that this kind of grace resembles the grace we receive from our Father at all (in fact, our “Grace meals” really are falsely named!) but it has triggered thought none the less.
It is not shocking to God that we mess up. This is why He is prepared with Grace. Not that this serves as an excuse as it does in a wellness program, but what a relief that we have not been pressured with the burden of perfection. It is for me. It is easy for me to put that exact pressure on myself. These are not mind blowing or new thoughts, but so important (for me anyway) to remember as I continue this pursuit of “Amber’s Story”.
The story doesn’t have to be perfect to be profound.
Thank you, God, for your grace, your blessings and unconditional love. Thank you for the doors you open and grant us the courage and wisdom to walk through those doors boldly and confidently knowing that through You those opportunities will make the Story powerful.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Mapping Out Your Route
I am officially in summer mode! Vegging out, reading, hanging out at the beach and being with the family – I could get used to it!
I’ll be “home” in Houston for about 2 months, and in that time my Dad has labeled himself as my project. He wants to get into better shape for the next school year (He is in education) while evaluating if this Dietetic degree of mine is worth anything! We are on day 2 and all is going well so far! I am really excited about the kitchen/cooking time with my Mom, drilling my Dad (and him having to take it!), and the challenge of having a goal that will directly affect each member of my family positively.
Along with my free time I have decided to do some reading. The list of books on my “To Read” list has been growing for the last couple years, but textbooks have had higher priority in my life pre-graduation! One of the first books I picked up was Francis Chan’s newest book, "Forgotten God". Before I started I figured I would flip through his first book, “Crazy Love” and reread through my highlights and side notes. I stumbled upon a quote he included in “Crazy Love” and it has had me thinking lately as I look to make my life’s story relevant.
"Our greatest fear as individuals and as a church should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter." Tim Kizziar
I think our society praises many different successes that can easily be worthless. My graduation for one. Some teachers wrote some fairly high numbers in red on pieces of paper in my honor to vouch for how much knowledge I have gained. In and of itself, that means nothing. Yet I know that God can take the knowledge I have gained and make it something really wonderful and change lives with it. It is all in how intentional we are living.
I have a lot of dreams, as most of us do. I pray that you and I are in search of these dreams in a way that will “matter”.
I’ll be “home” in Houston for about 2 months, and in that time my Dad has labeled himself as my project. He wants to get into better shape for the next school year (He is in education) while evaluating if this Dietetic degree of mine is worth anything! We are on day 2 and all is going well so far! I am really excited about the kitchen/cooking time with my Mom, drilling my Dad (and him having to take it!), and the challenge of having a goal that will directly affect each member of my family positively.
Along with my free time I have decided to do some reading. The list of books on my “To Read” list has been growing for the last couple years, but textbooks have had higher priority in my life pre-graduation! One of the first books I picked up was Francis Chan’s newest book, "Forgotten God". Before I started I figured I would flip through his first book, “Crazy Love” and reread through my highlights and side notes. I stumbled upon a quote he included in “Crazy Love” and it has had me thinking lately as I look to make my life’s story relevant.
"Our greatest fear as individuals and as a church should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter." Tim Kizziar
I think our society praises many different successes that can easily be worthless. My graduation for one. Some teachers wrote some fairly high numbers in red on pieces of paper in my honor to vouch for how much knowledge I have gained. In and of itself, that means nothing. Yet I know that God can take the knowledge I have gained and make it something really wonderful and change lives with it. It is all in how intentional we are living.
I have a lot of dreams, as most of us do. I pray that you and I are in search of these dreams in a way that will “matter”.
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