Buddy System

I am 22. Single. Female. A college graduate. From a private Church of Christ University (also referred to as a “Marriage Factory”). I am, therefore, somewhat of a rarity.

When I came home, the recurring question I kept receiving was “So is there a guy? No? How come?” Then there are the jokes. “Aren’t you supposed to be married with a couple kids by now?” They are all out of love and for giggles, and I take them as so - I truely don't mind!

On my first Sunday back in Houston, my dad was facilitating a Bible Class on marriage to, well, married folks. They allowed me to tag along and I enjoyed it so much, I stole my Dad’s book and did some flipping around.

Here are some concepts I took away from the class, comments that were made and the book*…

• You must find a way to be happy before you find the person you want to journey with. The burden of “making me happy” is way too heavy a load to place upon one person and, thus, an awful reason to get married.

• “Marriage is not meant to be the place where one gets completed as a person. It is meant for complete persons to come together and build a “we” that is bigger and better than either one of the “I’s” involved.” – Compliment, but NOT complete!

• Honesty is the best policy (as we all know) however how, when and why you are telling the truth is even more important.

• Consequently, how you receive this honestly dictates how it is given to you. Therefore be mature, gracious and SELFLESS enough to take responsibility when you are at fault.

• Don’t keep the mindset of keeping score – being together is not about fixing each other or holding grudges, but growing together.

• Enjoy the ride! No one said that it would be easy – but hard does NOT mean misery. It means you will value each other and the relationship that much more.

• Keep the little things, well, little things.

• Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes – “What would it be like to be married to me?” “What would it be like to argue with me?” etc (Yikes!)

Seems to me that while there is no doubt that these are excellent topics for married couples to be discussing, isn’t the right time to start thinking about these things now (for me)? I mean pre-marital counseling is great, and I’m sure one day I will partake in that, but isn’t it a little late at that point. If I need to be a complete person in order to compliment my spouse (and vic versa), isn’t singlehood the time to work on that? I think we need Pre-dating counseling!

I have prayed for my future spouse for years, yet I have ignorantly been neglecting the part I can do the most about. I need to be praying for God to prepare ME for him.



*Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend